Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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