so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
