look no pants
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
