it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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