She's JV to your varsity
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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