At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
