apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
