you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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