dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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