if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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