Only a mothe r could love this liver
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
