Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
