Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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