On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
