there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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