I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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