guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
