pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
