This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
