saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
