Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize