I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
