we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
