Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
