these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
