why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
