Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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