that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
