That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just found puke in my bra..
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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