My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize