You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
