i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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