Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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