white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
