who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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