i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize