Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
