I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
3pm strippers are depressing
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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