I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
