Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
