I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
