he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
