eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
