idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just want nice things and good sex
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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