So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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