Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
