i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
