Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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