It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize