i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize