Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
