I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i was born a porn star she said
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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