I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
His nipple licking is glorious
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