Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
