I think scott just propositioned me for sex
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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