Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
