Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
