there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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