hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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