God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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