just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We are all done wearing pants today
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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