I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
