Don't you send me to vm
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
