I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
