Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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